With dreaming in sleeping moment makes me feeling fatigue toward sleeping itself, so much.
Thus, after waking up, waking up itself is so pleasant.
When I am sleeping, for the first time I was starting to sleep going to bed with an exhaustion, so obligedly, but deaming was done so in chain with several times, it must be that my mind anxiety was whirlpooled so much, its thing must make me
dream so much with several times, I would be awoken to its fact after waking up.
Thus, after waking up so freshly, if I was seeing a or several times dream, my memory around this or these are almost compleltely forgotten.

At the moment when I remember my seeing dream content, even passing several moments, aftermath as so mentallyexhausted must be left to me, so much.
Despite of it, so anxious fret or overturned feeling at the moment I have some serious mistake or false, even so evil content dreams are so better than them, I can feel so, coz it was just at my sleeping moments.
But afterward of waking up, even so impressive naightmare was soon forgotten after my activity was started by me.
However, sometimes, I can meet that content to be remembered so accidentally with contact to similar contented matter to my dream, when I deliberate something at my waking moment, but it is so rare, never so often.
And that content is usually visual images’ controlling it, with particular landscape or visual images so clear to me who am waking up, rather than emotional things when I felt in my dream, difficulty or hardships are never so strong remembered to me.
Its reason is ultimately so unknown to me.

Rest and seeing a dream are different from each other.

Sometimes I try to be in rest for laying my body but trying not to dream nightmare, with just closing my eyes, but I go into sleeping unconsciously in unknown timing if I try to remember but it was impossible at deepened night time.

As long as I can have some rest and chance to dream in my sleeping time, these phenomenon of me is a sure evidence to be alive, not to be dead.

If I was dead, even trying to make nothing something as imvalidation must be impossble to me eve if we now hope to do so after my dying.
Making something nothing is one of our intentional action, for example trying to make something forgotten, restting some starting point or index to do something, or at the matter of fact, making something none so consciously.
But if we die, even those are never possible to do.
Eventually, making something none, as I can do it, means evidencing that I am alive not dead.

And rest means trying to avoid naightmare seeing in mental exhaustion with a trial to keep up with our consciousness and choose resetting own doing for ourselves after having a rest and continue to do the same thing before taking it.

Thereby, eventually death means that we experience vanished all those feeling and tangibility to be exhausted or dreaming nightmare or so in being so tired, so surely.

Thus, an emotion as I don’t hope to see nightmare means I hold some　anxiety, fear, or misgiving, scare, disturbance, as the absolute proof to live in the world.
What any distyrving feeling is deleted completely on the contrary of it, after all, equal to having no hope and anticipation to the future.

But dreaming is different from resting, probably means that my brain tries to make me never be into rest so completely by itself, then before plenarily to me whose mind tries to forget many awaking moments’ past matters to be memolized so much in my brain, as ther matter to be experienced or thought in my brain by me, with my unconsciousness, but another my idea unconsicouly potentially being present tries never make me to forget, so simultaneously it could be revived along another brain working, as some lingering attachment, with this mechanism I am obliged to see a dream on mu mind. It must be another myself’s resistance never make everything never be forgotten in myself toward to my will to want to forget them.

With all process to me, dream and rest is different to each other, these mutually different things appear so simlraneusly means that my death would never soon to me, perhaps.

Of course, iy is the problem of mine in my emotion or hopeful feeling, so irrelevantly real death must come to me so accidentally.

Therefore, being able to have an idea like that means my death would be a little further to me, now, perhaps.

Yes, it is, trial to forget something is intentional trial to make something none, it means the fact to me that I am alive, it is equalt to kill something so unnecessary things in my lifetime, before I would die, yes it does, killing means so much intentional decissive matter to my own mind either.
And what I can be with that mind means that I am alive, either.
With all those facts, and truths, even dreaming nightmare or so and that some rest is needed, both might have been in so entangled and confused life matter as the must we need.

(to be continued)

(Apr. 15th. 2019)