After all, in life everything must be just subjective, not any other somewhat, you know, or you don't know, I have no idea, so far.
Frankly, I wanna say that I don't want to be assessed which I could be happy or not, that so publicly recognizable value view should never be applied to me, that idea is dominant at my mind, you know, I have no idea around it in you.

Successfully doing to any appreciating one or not not as well as I now am happy or not, that assessing mind or estimation, that question by itself I wanna exclude from my life, you see!

Eventually, only to any myself, myself is just myself nothing but it, that feeling must be there, you know. Only anything could be what it takes, in other words, any matter, any thing is just as it is, what it does, what it is so, only the thing could be so natural and integral.

Nevertheless, actually truly only what it is ought to be what it should be otherwise, it must be nothing but being only it could be so tough at realizing to anybody.
Knowing it and what that idea is to be done in so harsh gap, to it anybody must be tortured at asking that could be so well done or not, only that feeling and impression could be left to me.

Yes, that gap, that some not so easily embedded some irritating some unidentified painfully persistent mind's dregs or some not solved regretful some absurdity or kind of own opaque emotion is anytime left at my mind, nevertheless, it could never be told to anybody, necessarily I'd already given up that hoping, but simultaneously some smoldering emotion is anytime left at mind, and that remained some trace is seen so empty, in vain, so nihilistically regarded, but, on the other hand, another myself objectively and so coolly watch that aspect, that absurdly comical and sarcastic reality is so remarkably visible at confirming to me anytime, and to it, by myself ridiculing so at detached, another myself actually wants to convert it, nevertheless, one more different myself could want it left as it is.

Substantially, to anybody, being myself is really identified somewhat, and that the consciousness to take part in some social role. Then to some extent very officially and formalistically anonymous, but to it, only myself to me so compassionate and so simultaneously so fanatically, nevertheless, meanwhile, one myself sneering at objectively seing that myself looking at so ridiculously.

But probably that iteration must never have any progress at least to me, after all, in one myself, very infantile myself, so ambitious youth enjoying myself, and a little bit senilly so gotten spiritually and mentally older myself adjoining to each other.
However, any myself could never have any quarrel to any other myself but synchronically not mutually harmonizing together, you know!

Eventually only no answer could be submitted to me, and to it, I just sneer at it only looking over, and not touching nor contacting, but it'd be no problem. Breaking abstinence to any liquor, but any other joy could be left as I did ever, as the same habit, but only very isolated mind screams, you are not willing never yet, completely never spontaneous, but that so detached mind could occasionally secure and rescue my so confused mind, too, you agree!
(to be continued)

Nov. 27th.    2021