After all, I personally tried to analyze my body arresting wanted Mr. Charlie Craig mentality and the own idea so considerably, and concluded that to him, my presence was kind of bit that smaller threat at least at keeping up with his own status, only the thing was definitely proved through suffering made by him at my favorite local zone in S◯◯t◯m◯ prefecture Y◯r◯◯  Machi, as his unexpected approach and trial around captivity against me. 

Those days about more than half a year, I was made in captivity by him at M◯n◯m◯ K◯w◯g◯ch◯-ko Machi, the thing those days made me think that his own carefulness and subtle vigilance around watching everything, because my operating training by itself was so strictly harder for participating in to any my controlling member, but at least at the incident made by him in Y◯r◯◯ Machi, his directly closer approaching intention certainly evidenced that my presence by itself was not that tiny matter at least for him, only the thing was certainly clarified with his own action which was done, so personally.

I at investigated data arrangement content doing time, sometimes clearly tried to remember any Craig's telling his discourse, though consequently, my own idea around what he had done on us as one investigating missioned crews unit chief or cap, in frank, he was one very crooked and twisted idea attending own trickster, but at the same time, he must be one so seriously delicate PTSD sufferer or so as to say or define, one typical very sensitive fragile nature attached mind holder, the definite idea had bent gradually, but exactly fixed at my own assessing mind to any worldly matter around me.

　　⚫️       🟣　　⚫️　　🔵　　⚪️        🟣　　⭕️        🔴🟢　　🟠　　🟡　　🟢 
       

🟤　　　⭕️         🔴　　　🟠　　　🟡　　　🟢　　　🔵　　　🟣　　　⚪️

If I would apply Ind◯◯ border route, at least I won't help Craig's own conspiratory wrongdoing, so smartly at evading his wicked seduction to me. But those zones must have porentially very dangerously risky condition inviting threatened probability as well must be so higher. Rather than Ir◯n route, its option will be definitely dangerous, nevertheless, in terms of evasive optional orthodox idea, at least I will do so anything without participating in illegal measurable operation, I will pass through dangerous border zone.

In other words, action by itself for the first time is providing us some visible obtained outcome in own identity. On the other hand, doing nothing means not taking any sinful thing to anything, but simultaneously it makes only inertia and stalemate in any our socially necessary acting. Though visibly making some outcome to our society, necessarily outputs own damage to no well working out, no dragging any productive outcome ones and only to some partial and finite members who had pulled something doing so well for socially totaled appearance will be given enough reward as their advantage. If I wil accept Craig's wicked tempration as seduction to involve me into wrongdoing, I will make myself easily enter in R◯ss◯◯, but probably for whole lifetime, my remorseful minded life days will welcome my seduced satanic road, forevermore until I will die. Catholic dogma and partially Heble teaching instructive religious precepts will be questioned on my credo and my own subjective conscience so strictly by Lord.

My own unstably lingering attachment exclusively transcendentally pretending desirable mind and persistently craiving around reunion with Tanya, those two mutually contradictory ideas were for some period, harshly struggling in no finding any useful solvable idea. 

(Irregularly continued)

Apr. 15th.   2024